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Stories / Poetry / Lyrics Inside The Outdoors - "Terrorist Attack"
Stories / Poetry / Lyrics Inside The Outdoors - "Terrorist Attack" | Inside The Outdoors - "Terrorist Attack" |
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| Written by Jody Willman | |
| Sunday, 31 May 2009 | |
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TERRORIST ATTACK Special Edition by Jody Willman
That’s right, I said terrorist, because that’s what it is....an attack on what’s mine, by an uninvited guest. To fully understand this I’ll have to go back 5 years to the day that I found my little piece of heaven on earth. 15 acres of prime grass and a 4 bedroom 2 bath home, an 8-stall horse stable that has housed some champion quarter horses in its time. Although what hooked me, was the 7 acre lake that is included in the 15 acres. And speaking of hooked, the bass and white perch in my lake are awesome, some 5 to 10 pound bass prowl it. But they are getting too smart for catching. Here’s an example:
At the north end of the lake there is a log that hangs out in to the water, the other day I saw a fox squirrel out on the end of the log eating an acorn and suddenly, what had to be a 10-pound bass jumped out of the water and ate that little squirrel!!! See that’s smart huh? Not really because as I sat staring in amazement at what I’d seen, I saw an 8 –pound bass come up and put another acorn on that log! MAN! Those fish are smart! Anyway back to the invasion of my land. 2 years ago!! Yep that’s what I said 2 YEARS ago, I found a tree that had been chewed on something fierce by what had to be one mean son of a gun to do that to that sweet gum! (I said son of a gun back then, but words do change with time!) Now I’ve been in the woods all my life, and it took all of one second for me to realize just what it was. A BEAVER!!! One lone old beaver had decided to invade my private heaven. Well I decided right then and there that this old bucked tooth critter was NOT going to take my lake from me! So I found his little ole house at the end of the middle levee and paddled right over there and hollered into it that he couldn’t whip me no way! One on One I’d kick his butt! (I said butt back then) I promptly paddled over to my spillway to see if he’d started his dam yet. Yep just like I figured he’d started to dam up my lake, cause that’s what beavers do to make the lake bigger! Like 7 acres ain’t big enough for one old nocturnal engineer! O.K. I thought one on one would be fair, but he had that big flat tail to help him, so I got my short handled shovel out of the stable and in 5 minutes I’d busted his little puny dam and let the
water flow like it should. I yelled over to his house, TAKE THAT Mr. BEAVER! Well it rained that night pretty hard and I noticed the next morning that the lake was a little high. So I got on my tractor and rode down my levee to the spillway and wouldn’t you know it, that dang beaver (I said dang back then) had repaired everything I’d busted the day before and the dam was twice the size!! It was ON then.
Terrorist fortress!
 Terrorist act #1
 Terrorist act #2
 My weapon of choice (At first)
 2 hours later, that’s right 2 HOURS later, I had this little booger (I said booger back then) dam broke again. What happened next you ask? Well he LEFT! That’s right he LEFT! Just packed up his bags and split. VICTORY!!! How sweet it is! However the taste was short-lived. In 3 months he was back, not only was he back, but he brought reinforcements!!!
Yep, now there were at least 2 of the varmints attacking my beloved lake. Now ya see that just ain’t fair!! They were ganging up on me! This called for drastic measures! So I went and bought me a brand new $350 box blade for my tractor, and although his dam was 3 times the size it was at first in 10 minutes or so I could back my 584 international onto that levee and just wipe it out, like a stealth bomber! NOW YOU S.O.Bs (I say s.o.bs now) See what you can do to stop me from kicking your butts now. Well, in one weekend those evil little nocturnal #@$%*&s moved the dam out so far that the next time I tried to back my tractor onto the levee I ended up stuck and it took me 6 hours to wench the bomber out!!!! UH OH! This mess is getting serious. (I said mess back then) What now? When I’m out in the boat by myself early in the morning at daylight, the little rodents come up; swim around some, slap there tail on the water and just taunt me! My wife is a traitor! She thinks they are cute!! To tell the truth I like em too, gotta admire their spirit. You can tell they are southern beavers! However, my neighbors are a little tired of losing some of their pasture to my lake. So something must be done. Something sad, but you know what they say… “WAR IS HELL!
 As I’ve said I tried everything I could to just make them rodents leave my lake the size it is. I mean dang; 7 acres should be plenty big you would think. But not for these guys. I will start by telling you that beavers are a strange bunch of critters, they hang out at night, like to just swim around and slap that big ole tail on top of the water when I’m out there trying to relax and maybe catch a fish or two early in the morning about daylight. I tried at first to talk some sense into those furry heads but would they listen NOOO! They think everything should go their way and to hell with the fella that owns the lake! I throw a rock at em to scare em and I swear they just grin at me like I’m the one that’s wrong and ignorant to the ways of nature.
About the time I was gonna shoot him he raised a white flag! I mean not really but I did see a white flash, might have been a perch, but well just in case I didn’t shoot him. I figured if he was gonna surrender then I’d let him be. The next week or two I was busy so I didn’t get out to visit them at all, and when I did finally get to go out in the boat 3 of them swam right up to the boat and just sat there looking like they wanted me to talk to em, like maybe they missed me! So hell I sat there and just flat out told em, look fellas, you’ve got to leave my lake the size it is, any bigger and you’ll flood my friends next door.
They kind of huddled up and made some weird noises and then the biggest one, I call him Beavus, looked at me and I swear he winked! I left em then and went to the house and seriously told my family that me and the Beaver clan had reached an understanding. Of course they thought I was goofy but oh well, me and Beavus, Bocephus, and Bertha know! I made peace with them ole Beavers right then and there and you know? They quit building my dam too big and they greet me every time I go out in the lake like I’m an old friend, which I guess by now I am. Of course as with all peace there is a price, and mines still fairly cheap at least until young Bocephus gets of age. The pictures below will explain what I mean.
   The moral of the story is -- No matter how much people (and beavers) disagree, if folks would get ‘em a cold beer, set down and talk it over....peace will prevail!
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 04 June 2009 ) |
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